Thursday, February 14, 2008


For the past few weeks I have been searching for a pen I lost after a scuffle with a friend. The doctors discovered it after my friend took himself to the hospital with complaints about a persistent pain in his rectum.

Now if only I had someone to write to.

Monday, December 31, 2007

greeting card

happy new year. and all that jazz. i need the money you owe me as soon as you can get it. times are tough all over. the winter is cold. sneeze. miss you and hope that you are well. eating good fruits and vegetables. nourishing. i will see you in the next life.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Driving is always a harrowing experience. That is why I prefer public transportation. It also affords me time to read books. I have just finished a saucy tale about a stolen bag of money and a fellow determined to get it back.

I was engaged in such reading when a fellow passenger posited a question to me. I don't know why. I didn't give him the impression I wished to engage in verbal intercourse.

Yet he persisted, yabbering on and on about his injured knee, his addict son, his lack of funds, the weather, the young lady seated near the driver, politics and what's playing at the cinema.

Despite his infringement on my right to silence, I'm the one cited by officers for shoving a golf ball into his mouth. What a world! O tempora! O mores!

As always, excuse the lenthy space of time since my last post. I've been on the lam. Apparently it is unadvisable to play tricks on the frightful goblins that knock on one's door during the Halloween holiday.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Hope everyone enjoyed the summer. By way of summary:

July — Putting bits of diamond dust in the coffee mug of my co-worker.

August — Getting my co-worker's position as he takes an extended medical leave due to an unknown, mysterious illness.

If there's anything prison taught me, it's to bide my time.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Excuse the silence. Been on holiday. Stretching my legs in preparation for another year at Hogwarts.

My employer disapproves of my vacationing. Doesn't like it when the drones leave the hive.

In retaliation of my relaxation, he's given me a papercut on that fair bit of flesh in between one's lips. And wouldn't you know it, we had salty potato chips at lunch. Burns.

But I have plans to turn the tables.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Digging in my back yard the past several yesterdays. How I loathe manual labour. But it is nice to have sunshine touching the skin and fresh air filling the lungs.

The work isn't so arduous, but I don't know quite what to think about the pile of human bones I've found near the rose bushes. Trouble is, I don't recall if I put them there or if it was the work of the previous tenents. That would be an awkward phone call.

Come to think of it, it may be the previous tenents. I'll have to check the books.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007


My, my. Days fold and turn to waste quickly.

I have been in the hospital for what seems like forever. The doctors found six whole diamonds lodged in my digestive tract.

The lady of the house sure knows how to get my attention.